I googled "frustration" and this is what I found. Lol, I'm khol (crazy in Farsi), I know...
So today I invited my best friend (she's Vietnamese) to go watch the screening of "The September Issue" later this week. It is a documentary of what goes on behind the scenes of the highly credible fashion magazine, Vogue. And of course, I love fashion so I have been waiting with anticipation to watch this film. Anyway, I invited her, told her it was a free screening and all, and her response was: "I don't think I'll be interested".. . ..... . ... . . . ... .
Now, it is perfectly fine not to be interested in fashion, that isn't the problem here. The problem is that she is my best friend and she doesn't bother to go anywhere much with me or hang out with me aside from the whispers we exchange in the one class we have together this semester. She doesn't even call or text me on her breaks. Now, I am not one of those complete khol's (crazy's) who thinks someone is their best friend when they are clearly not. She has told me numerous of times that I am her best friend. Hell, she's even made video's of our pics and video's together and posted them on Youtube. So I know this is not a one way thing or anything. We also used to hang out a lot. Maybe not outside of school so much, but she'd at least come to 2 out of the 5 things I'd invite her to. And on our breaks, we'd always hang out together. But lately, she just runs home every chance she gets. Maybe it's because she has a new boyfriend now, but it was like this before him as well. So I am not going to put all the blame on him. I just feel as if she prioritizes everything else besides our friendship. And I've told her about it and gotten into arguments with her over this stuff before, and I swear, I feel like I'm a nagging girlfriend complaining to her ignorant boyfriend. But anytime I tell anyone how I feel, they always tell me I have every right to be upset or angry. So I know it's not me!
It just bothers me that my best friend doesn't give me much time. It is literally a struggle to hang out. We saw each other ONCE during the entire summer. Now we were both studying this summer so that is understandable. However, the one time we hung out, we planned it 4 days or so in advance. To me, there is something wrong with that picture right there. She is always busy with family, or school, or something. I know most those things are important than hanging with a friend, but I just believe it shouldn't be so much of a struggle. I mean, shouldn't your best friend want to hang out with you? Or am I the one who's nuts here?!?!?!?! I have confronted her and she knew she had to try harder and here I go asking her to come along to a movie with me. Yes it is a documentary about a fashion magazine, which she might not be completely excited about like I am, but it's not as if I asked her to go see a documentary of the damn everglades!!! Hell, she sits in the very front row of the one class we have together, and I don't like sitting in the front. But, I do it anyway because I like her and I'd like to see her and hang out with her. But fuck it, from now on, my own desires will come first before hers and I will no longer sit in the front with her. If she asks why, I'll tell her I'm not interested in the front row. HA!
Really, though, I am just tired of trying. I will not confront her anymore, I will not bother to hang out with her anymore. I'll never ask her to come anywhere with me. I'm tired of her and her reasonings for everything. I am done with her. I can make other friends, I don't need a friend who very clearly doesn't value me as much as I value her. In fact, I will stop valuing her. I am just done here. DONE!
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